A beauty influencer showing off another skincare product. A luxury sports car roaring past you on the highway. A well-intentioned coworker sharing all about their latest tropical vacation. 

Everywhere we look, we're being pressured – pressured to buy, to upgrade, to compare. Unfortunately, when  we succumb to the noise, it often results in overspending and debt. 

If you caught my last blog post, you know that I'm two-thirds of the way through my "no spend" month. Over these past few weeks of the challenge, I've learned a lot about my spending habits and weaknesses (discount novels, cute mugs, funny wall art, colorful cookware...the list goes on). 

This got me thinking about how our spending habits aren't all about the amount of money we have – wealthy or poor can both struggle with impulse buying and succumbing to social pressure. No, this is about something much bigger: our relationship with what money can buy, and even with ourselves.

What We're Looking For When We Overspend 

Why do people overspend? The answer isn't a simple one; that's like asking why a dog barks. The reason: it depends! For a dog, maybe they saw a squirrel they longed to chase, felt threatened by a stranger, or wanted your attention. 

Even with the differing reasons, though, there's still a connecting thread: dogs bark to express emotion. 

Similarly, there are many reasons why we may spend money: because we saw an ad saying an item would solve a problem we're dealing with; because we're self-conscious about the car we're driving; because the movies depict someone successful dressing a certain way. 

All these reasons have something in common: we think what we buy is going to get us what we want. 

Does it, though? Maybe, maybe not – it depends on what we're hoping for. If we're looking for food, shelter, and other necessities, then yes! But what if you want something more abstract? To feel like you fit in, to feel in control of your life, to feel happy? 

A purchase might feel like a step toward those wishes, but then the shine wears off, and...we're back where we started. The problem is, the thing we bought – whether a bigger house, a newer car, a trendier wardrobe – doesn't hold the answer. 

Is Spending Money on Non-Essentials Wrong?

Certain financial gurus may take a drastic stance against buying all unnecessary things in favor of saving and investing every extra penny. Is that what we're promoting here? Not at all!

The fact is, you can buy a coffee without blowing hundreds of dollars a month, and you can replace your car without having to do so every time your neighbor does.

It's less about what you're buying, and more about why. 

When you go through the drive thru for that $7 latte, is it because it's delicious? Or is it because of habit, or trying to escape your stressful day?

When you buy a new car, is it for practical or personal reasons? Or are you trying to prove something or keep up with someone? 

The Harmful Effects of Spending for the Wrong Reason

When you're spending money in the pursuit of happiness, status, or emotional relief, the effort never ends – you never get what you're seeking. As you can imagine, this never-ending cycle isn't great for your bank account and can even lead to serious debt. 

The harmful effects aren't just for the poor, either. Living above your means is detrimental to any tax bracket; it interferes with your ability to build or maintain an emergency fund, keep debt low, or grow your wealth. Living like that can be stressful, even overwhelming. 

Along with financial consequences, this habit can also take a toll on your mental health. You're stuck in a loop of disappointment, never reaching what you're striving for. At the same time, you're constantly comparing yourself to those around you, leading to jealousy, frustration, and depression. 

The Antidotes to Overspending: Contentment, Gratitude, and Self-Worth

Since overspending stems from a desire for more (more happiness, more social status, more safety), the antidote is to be grateful for and content with what you have, and who you are. 

Contentment 

What comes to mind when you think of being content? For me, it equates to peace. Instead of chasing the next thing that will finally make you happy, you recognize that what you have is enough. From there, you can look for the sources of joy already in your life, such as family, friends, and hobbies.

Gratitude

Closely linked with contentment, gratitude is having appreciation for the good in your life. Maybe you don't have everything you'd like, but what do you have? Is there anything in your life you take for granted now, that you used to long for? 

Self-Worth

If you're comfortable with who you are and what you're worth, you won't be making decisions based on what others will think of you. You won't need to prove yourself or receive external validation, so you can live life how you want. 

Practical Tips to Avoid Overspending 

1) Before buying, ask yourself, "Why do I want this?" If it's a valid reason and you have the money for it, there's no harm done.

2) If you're tempted to buy something, but you're not sure if you really need it or not, wait thirty days. Often times, that buffer period gives our brain a chance to sort out its true thoughts. 

3) Make a gratitude list, and add to it often. The more you appreciate what you have, the less you'll feel the need to look for more. 

4) Take a social media break, especially if the content makes you feel bad about yourself or often persuades you to buy yet another item you can do without.

5) Challenge yourself to a no-spend week, month, or longer, where you only purchase necessities and make do with what you have. You may be surprised how little you actually need. 

6) Keep an up-to-date budget, and track your spending habits. Little things might be adding up more than you realize. 

7) Reject the pressure to conform to societal expectations, and recognize that no two people or situations are alike. 

8) Take the time to notice your strengths. Are you a hard worker? Do you generously give of your time, effort, and resources to those who need help? Have you developed a skill that not a lot of people have? 

9) Think about things you enjoy, and the next time you're feeling stressed or upset, opt for one of those activities instead of retail therapy. 

10) Get involved in things bigger than yourself; find ways to make a difference, even in just one person's life.

Changing how you view – and use – money won't happen overnight. In fact, you may never feel 100% done. That's okay; what matters is the overreaching pattern in your life. And each time you successfully resist spending for the wrong reason, you'll move another step forward toward cultivating contentment, gratitude, and self-worth.